What did you do this weekend?

I am reading "Elder Barsanuphius of Optina"  and came across a story that made me stop and think.  He was hearing confession of one of the young men who made a pilgrimage to Optina.  The  Elder reminded the young man the the young man had decided to go to an opera on a saturday night instead of going to church.  This was on the eve of St Nicolas feast.  The young man thought that by going to church on sunday he would still be honoring the Saints feast.  He chose to enjoy himself that evening instead of honoring the Saint.  Hmmmm.  Every weekend there is church.  Sometimes there are services during the week.   I should go and confess and commune right?  But there always seems to be some excuse not to go.  Football game on this morning that I have to watch.  I had a long week and need to get some sleep.  You get the idea.  How many vacation days do I have this year?  Now I wonder what really is more important?  

Am I obedient?

Obedience:  Distrust in oneself in everything,  however good it may be, right to the end of one's life.  

The Ladder of Divine Ascent  

Step 4 Ch 5

I had to give this a lot of thought.  Then it made sense to me.  How can I possibly make good and proper decisions in anything if I am tainted by sin?  Is my decision swayed by the things surrounding me?  I don't live in a monastery and am no monk.   Remember to make those decisions in life that can affect everything in a manner that is most rewarding to the salvation of your soul.   Thank GOD for my spiritual father.

What really matters?

When you go to church,  what do you pray for.  How about when you are at home?  What really matters?  Our health?  Our wealth?  How about GODS will?  I can tell you that I have been sick for some time.  Here is what has happened since I have been sick.  I have more time to be at church confessing and communing since i cannot work.  I cannot feel my stomach,  no hunger and no fullness,  so no gluttony.  There are other sins but you get the idea.  So how do you decide what really matters in your prayer.  I am not worthy of knowing the answer to this but I can say I do not worry about how sick I am.  GOD has mercy on me for which I am not worthy but he has mercy.  So I pray for others.

Have Faith

The other day I was at church and visiting with my little friend John.  Now john has Hotchkins disease and he was back at church for the first time since starting treatment.  I remember saying to him,  the hardest part about having faith is having faith.  Now I have Celiacs disease and am very allergic to flour.  However I have communion on a regular basis.  I have to have faith that the bread (body of Christ) has truly been transformed or I will get very sick.  I can say with glory to GOD that i never get sick from communing.  This takes a lot of faith.  I hope he understood what i said because he was going to commune and was very afraid of getting germs from other communers.  Who would think of that but I believe that GOD does what GOD does and that takes a lot of faith.  So the hardest part of having faith can truly be the hardest part of having faith in GOD.

A most important thought

Over the years of my struggle I have learned many things,  some the hard way and some the not so hard way.  One of the thoughts that seem to be continuos though is the thought of making decisions based on those most important things.  Now I have sometimes thought i new what that was but I have learned otherwise.  So here is the thought that is a most important one:

The Ladder of Divine Ascent

Ch1-25

Those who have really determined to serve Christ,  with the help of spiritual fathers and their own self-knowledge,  will strive before all else to choose a place,  and a way of life,  and a habitation,  and exercises suitable for them.  For community is not for all,  on account of covetousness;  and places of solitude are not for all,  on account of anger.

Now I interpret this to mean choosing a place to live and a lifestyle that will help you in your struggles;  living close to church,  communing often,  and serving your church.  Do not be caught up in worldly things and make choices that you end up not being able to do those important church activities on a regular basis.  I see too many people regret decisions they have made when they cannot conveniently go to church.  

Who said life would be easy?

32: Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. 
33: But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven. 
34: Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. 
35: For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 
36: And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. 
37: He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 
38: And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. 
39: He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. 

This is and for me will be one of those passages that reminds me of the struggle for the salvation of my soul.  I have lost friends, argued with family and generally been attacked by people.  The good news is that the pain of this particular struggle does ease with time.  Glory to GOD for this.  

However you will never know when you will have to defend yourself so i put this verse up as a reminder that life is not easy but GOD rewards!